reflections

Last night, after having a drink with a group of students at Mr. Ups from the French school to celebrate Rosa’s birthday, I went to the Two Brothers to try and find some excitement, whatever that would mean. As I pushed myself through the crowd to get to the bathroom, spilling my beer several times over American strangers speaking in Spanish with bad accents, I realized that all I really wanted to do was smoke a cigarette, and that moreover, I wanted to smoke a cigarette with someone who could banter with me. Then I realized that this sentiment is, in fact, one I’ve felt quite often. That is to say, sometimes the best thing that can come out of a night of drinking is smoking a cigarette with some who can banter. I met with Ben later that night, and oddly enough we both saw Bachir, my film professor, returning from who knows where at 3 in the morning. I told him what had occurred to me, and he agreed.

Tonight, I went outside to try to find someone who would bum me a cigarette, thinking that perhaps I would find Bachir, who would probably make the 5 minutes or so it takes to smoke one down enjoyable. Instead I found my friend Clayton with a group of people I’d never met before. I bummed a cigarette. First, they wouldn’t admit who they really were or where they were from. I acted as if I was insulted that they would treat me with such an attitude, and eventually they did start to be a little more earnest, though I still didn’t take them seriously. The banter continued, me acting insulted and pointing out the inconsistencies in their story and the silly nature of their attempts at an ironic joke, and them accurately pointing out that I was guilting them so they would admit that they liked me, etc. Well, this continued for some time, until I decided to go back inside the student center. I admitted to them—though I’m not sure if they took it ironically or in earnest—that it had really been quite a pleasure bantering with them, probably one of the highlights of the evening. Later I saw Clayton inside and he told me that they had all thought I was very amusing, which flattered my ego to no end.

Have you ever gone back and looked at the old photos of yourself on fbook, or the photos of people from your past? It evokes a bit of melancholy in me.

Well, these are the two significant sentiments I felt tonight: the simply pleasure of bantering with people while smoking a cigarette, which goes a long way, and the mild sense of loss in seeing photos from one, two years ago.